new year, new lessons

I find it quite amusing just how precisely God arranges things sometimes. I am constantly overwhelmed at God's timing even in the smallest details. Not that I always understand His timing, because I don't. But lately I've been learning some lessons that have come just in time. The overwhelming theme in my life over the past 2 months has been suffering. And I know that sounds weird. Because I haven't really suffered. At all. But I've noticed it all around me. One night when I was in Columbia between Thanksgiving and Christmas break I literally broke because of the weight of it all. I know that suffering is always happening. Somewhere. To someone. But that night I really felt it, like it was happening to me. I'm thankful that the Lord burdened my heart for the people in my life that are suffering.

But the one thing He's really been trying to show me lately is that I'm not suffering well. And you may wonder, how can you suffer well when you're not really suffering? I haven't quite figured that out. But I'm still broken. And in need of His grace. And I don't always like my circumstances. To be completely honest, I am finding this "phase" of my life to not be my favorite. At least I hope it's a phase. I call it the out of college (in grad school) don't know where I'm going in life don't feel like I fit in here phase. But my attitude has been horrible. I disliked the place I was in so much that I didn't want to like it at all.

This break has given me the time I needed to take to be with the Lord and He's revealed a lot of little lessons to me. I spent one night in Starbucks just looking up verses about the heart and realized my heart has been in the wrong place. Here's a few verses that stirred my heart that night:

"He said to them, "you are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:15

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth. This then, is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:18-20

"So, as the Holy Spirit says: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the desert." Hebrews 3:7-8

I mentioned the Passion Conference and all of the talks in my last post. Beth Moore was one of the speakers and the Lord definitely used her to speak to me clearly. She talked about different ways that God equips us to do His will, and one of the ways that God equips us is by adjusting us.

"God equips us by adjusting us. God puts us in situations where we feel like we don't fit. If we feel like we're not supposed to be there because we don't fit we're probably supposed to be there. God is trying to adjust us, especially to people."

"Until you are around people who bring out the worst in you, you are not in a position for God to bring out the best in you." Beth Moore

Hello life lesson. There are just so many days that I feel like I don't fit in Missouri. But the Lord showed me that He's trying to use the people and circumstances around me to change me. Obviously, not everyone in Missouri brings out the worst in me, by any means. But this season of life has definitely been hard because I moved away from a lot of close friends and encouragers. Who aren't easily replaced. I know learning this lesson doesn't guarantee that my affinity for my circumstances will change. Probably not. But hopefully my heart will begin to change, and the Lord will use this next year and a half wherever I may be to bring Him glory.